Free Writing P.52

To Whom It May Concern:

I never regret missing a rugby game or a practice.
I never regret leaving a social early.
I regret all the times I didn’t visit my family on the weekend because I had a game and I felt like it would take too much traveling and be too exhausting.
I regret all the times I told my family I couldn’t spend time with them because I had some rugby thing.
I regret all the times I was too emotionally drained.
I regret the time that I put rugby before my family in the name of making sacrifices for a team.
I regret the time that I convinced myself that making these sacrifices would make me better.

I am letting myself be happy.
I am making selfish decisions.
I never regret time spent with my family.
I never regret the time taken off of work.
I never regret baking, gardening or shopping with my mother.
I never regret the time spent sitting with my grandma.
I never regret drinking coffee with my dad.
I never feel worse.
I always feel better.

Why delay my happiness? You never get more time. No one gives more time, people take more time if you let them. I control who I give time to.
So what’s the point in it all? If not now, when? There is no other time but now. It seems so simple. Do what you want when you want.

scarlett & tilde & emma & matt

Whitewashing is so annoying.
There are so many talented actors and actresses out there that aren’t white. It’s like we can’t even cast themΒ to play the roles in movies that tell THEIR stories, let alone start envisioning those big, blockbuster lead roles as anything other than white.
JFC if people would open their eyes and look around, I think it would be glaringly obvious that talent abounds and comes in lots of variety other than white.

Please do not support films that whitewash.

Free Writing P.51

I think I need to revamp one of my personal blogs so that I can have a place to just talk about my projects without it tied to my online portfolio or this journal-esque style blog.
Like I think I will call it, something from nothing for no reason.
I really do need to make a pros and cons list about rugby. I’m starting to feel as if my life is stuck in somewhat of a rut, as I have now been stuck job hunting for a year with no success. I’m not thrilled with my relationship. And my anxiety is still here and the depression still comes in waves every now and then. Rugby isn’t all that bad, but it takes a toll on my time and emotions so frequently. I’m just starting to think I need to make an actual change in my life.

Gardening has been a great outlet for me.Β I look forward to it each day. I still believe in my greeting card dream. I made my first card in a while and it felt great. So I have those things going for me at least.